0 Bikes on Roads
So I was nearly killed today.

That's a good way to start a blog post, right? Grabbed your attention, did it? I know it certainly grabbed MY attention when it happened, but it's hard to not notice a large, fast-moving, dangerous piece of metal, rubber, and death when it's purposely trying to run you off the road.

Or do people just not think anymore?

Let me explain: I have an electric bicycle. A scooter, I suppose you could still call them. It's a great, fun little machine that is essentially a power-assisted bike. It's zippy, it's convenient, it's nice, it's green. It's a lot of things. Here it is. Cute, right?

Looks like this, plus an additional fruity basket at the front.

What it's not, fellow travelers on the road, is immune to your damned cars. It's not superman's e-bike. It's not some life preserving machine that will, should you choose to tap it with your car, somehow magically float into the air and set me down amidst a bed of baby-soft flowers, completely unscathed. No, here's a more realistic version of how that would play out. How it almost played out:

The Labcoat and I decided to go to our first Meetup.com meeting with fellow e-bike enthusiasts. Fun times were to be had, but apparently not before the mental breakdown I would have in short order on the way. You see, what some people have yet to realize, is that you have to share the road with cyclists: Bikes, E-Bikes, Scooters, Motorcycles, whatever. As long as I'm not taking up the entire road (and seeing as the notion of getting hit by a car has the tendency to make me nervous) and being courteous by staying well to the side so you have all the room you need to drive and pass, you have no room to complain.

No, shut up. I don't care how stressed your day has been. I don't care if you're in a bad mood. I don't care if you're in a hurry somewhere and the additional .5th of a second it takes for you to pass me somehow invalidates your manhood/womanhood. I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE THERE.

Hey, you know what you don't have a right to do? You don't have a right to ride up slowly behind me so I don't notice you. You don't have a right to to start coming rapidly up beside and toward me. You don't have a right to start swerving your car into my bike in order to....what, exactly? Commit murder? Because, driver of the car that did this to me today; that is what you nearly did. Had I not seen you a the last possible second and swerved violently to the side amidst a torrent of shrieking terror, you would have run me into and under the other cars on the road. On a scooter. Do you seriously need a medical lesson on what happens the human body when it suddenly finds itself thusly stressed? Are you just THAT stupid? Here, let me give you a visual aid:

Ahahahaha, yes, you're right, very amusing.

Count yourself lucky, driver, that you did not stop and get out of the car. That you thought only to, like the coward you are, swear at me and scream at me instead of confronting me. Because driver, had God answered my earnest, earnest prayer that you should leave the car, I would have beaten you to death with my helmet. And this applies to any and every drive that has ever screamed at, swerved at, played chicken with, or just generally messed with someone on any kind of bike: This is not a joke. It is very, very easy for someone to go flying over their handlebars and into the great beyond. Leaving behind a family, people who love them, and people who will no doubt be wanting to know why that extra, short moment it would have taken you to pass was worth a life.

And maybe you'll think on it while sitting in a jail cell.

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